Taking Charge of the Holidays as a Crime Survivor
Article by Denise Lehr
Partnership for Safety and Justice wishes you a bright, healthy, and happy holiday season for you and your family and friends. We also realize that the holidays can be a difficult time when someone you love has been emotionally or physically injured, or has died, due to a violent crime. It’s not uncommon to experience many different emotions, such as anger, depression, anxiety, grief, or stress throughout the holidays. The holidays may trigger flashbacks and nightmares and may lead to sleeping disorders. People may also experience physical ailments, such as headaches and stomach problems. Some people experience these reactions during the holidays even years after the violent crime occurred. But there is hope! Many survivors have found ways that they can take charge of the holidays instead of having the holidays take charge of them.
There isn’t one “right” way for survivors to take charge of the holidays; each person can find different techniques that help them. The following 10 suggestions have helped some survivors cope during the holidays and may be useful for you or your family and friends:
1. Plan ahead. You don’t want to feel overwhelmed by last minute decisions.
2. Allow yourself time and space to grieve if you feel sad. Crying can be a healthy release of emotions.
3. Take time to remember. Place a plate with a flower in your loved one’s honor at the dinner table or display a special picture of your loved one.
4. Take care of yourself. Take time to relax, exercise, eat healthy food, and sleep well. Do something nice for yourself each day, even if it’s as simple as listening to your favorite song or eating your favorite snack.
5. Develop new traditions as you would like, but keep some old ones too.
6. Seek a support group. Talking to others who are going through similar things can provide support and community.
7. Visit your loved one’s gravesite. Some survivors find comfort in leaving a small tree or a wreath in remembrance of their loved one.
8. Communicate. Let your family and friends know how you are feeling; chances are they may be feeling the same things too. But it is okay if they’re feeling something different than you are; don’t try to tell your family and friends how they should feel.
9. Balance solitude and sociability. Rest can help you renew strength; friends and family can lift your spirits. It’s okay to enjoy the holidays, even if you want to cry later.
10. Be patient with yourself. As time goes by, you can develop ways to cope during the holidays that work well for you.
More suggestions on ways to cope during the holidays can be found at the Office for Victims of Crime and the National Center for Victims of Crime.
If you’d like to receive support during the holidays from a trained volunteer or professional, you can call:
National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1.800.799.SAFE
National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, 1.888.818.POMC
National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1.800.656.HOPE
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1.800.273.TALK
National Victim Hotline, 1.800.FYI.CALL
Denise Lehr is a survivor, our Crime Survivors Program Intern, and has worked in the victim assistance field for 5 years.
This article originally appeared in the Fall 2009 issue of Justice Matters.
